In 1992 I had only been in SA for less than a year and was fairly ignorant about Black stupidity although I´d heard a few hilarious stories and jokes.
Having driven from the Cape to Joburg via Durban I had my car stolen on my very first day in Joburg. And, guess what else? In the boot was a recently purchsed case of 24×250ml dinkies of Nederberg Baronne (1984 “superior”) …! The bottles had screw caps, so predictably enough, the simians must have joy-ridden it around whilst pouring the stuff down their ugly necks because I eventually found the car a writeoff – front end completely stoved in – in a police stolen car compound (a vast field) in Soweto, the inside littered with empty broken wine bottles.
Shortly thereafter, still in Joburg, I bought a 1984 Honda Prelude (nice car), which I later took to one of those drive-through car wash places. I stepped out of the car to ask the ape attendant the routine, prices etc, and was about to get back into the car when the monkeyman seemed to indicate it wasn´t necessary for me to actually sit in the car during the wash.
Hmmmm I thought….anyway I fell for it..!
But there must have been something especially primordial about the look of this ape that made me somewhat doubt whether I was talking to a human (I have since discovered that I was not) or some other creature, so I carefully watched my car going through the process and noticed that exactly at the end of the rail where the car stops – or not, as in this case - the tarmac suddenly became a slope of about 10 degrees for about 15 metres or so, beyond which a troupe of simian wekkas were lazing around munching on fried Chicken and coke as is their fashion.
I looked around for my monkey but he must have disappeared back into his tree, so there I was helplessly wondering whether the car would come to a stop at the end of the process or would it career away driverless down the slope into the adjacent zoo and the waiting simians? Naturally enough it did the latter and I had to break into an Olympic dash and jump inside just before it wiped out the audience of Chicken Men who were meanwhile laughing uproariously at this stupid mlungu chasing alter a runaway car..!!
I went back to angrily berate the ape attendant, who hearing the commotion had climbed down from his tree, but all I got was SILENCE, and a blank hate-filled stare from BALEFUL EYES…!
Saturday, 18 April 2009
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